Ari (offthespring) wrote in butchgirls,

Welcome members!

I added all of you who applied to the members list - good to see some familiar faces from the lesbian community!

Anyway - all of you have posting rights - therefore you can all post what is on your mind (just like me)

Topic for tonight (well more like this morning) is Gender ID issues.

I don't know if all (or for that fact any) Gender ID issues.

I def. do - for some reason I always think I'm buying into the roles of "men and women" but there's something about a woman that makes me feel almost like a man (at least what I think it would feel like to be a man and/or masculine).

This enters and affects all aspects of my life.

I want to dress more like a guy and even cut my hair short like one. It freaks pretty much everyone I know out (not that it should matter).

Right now - I just graduated from grad school and I'm looking for a job. As much as I want to give into just cutting my hair like a "guy" and all that.. it scares me that if i give in I won't ever get a job because of stupid people who don't understand.

Then it ranges from things as stupid as.. I'll embarrass my family buy doing that - my sister has a wedding in 6 months and gosh how would i look in those wedding pictures....

Then there's sex - Don't get me wrong - I love oral (giving and getting) as much as the next girl - but there is something about penetrating my gf that I absolutely love more than anything.

Of course, none of these "problems/concerns" really bother me (I'm not ashamed of how i feel etc) but more how other people react to me I guess.

It's almost like if someone asked me if i was a man or a woman ( like that's all gender is lol) would have to answer "Yes" and only yes. I feel I'm both almost. It’s almost like a fight between 2 genders in me.

I actively think about this all the time. Do any of you think about any of this?
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All the time. Its a constant inner conflict.
How do you deal with it?